I’m slowing down in the Alternative Tarot Course; the exercises for the Majors are taking awhile. So I’ll just go bit by bit.
The point here is to think about how each of the trumps corresponds with my personal history. And obviously that’s not always a great thing to think about. Plus, there’s a lot of damn cards.
I see my childhood defined by the Wheel of Fortune and the Hierophant: the jumble of luck and circumstances that made me who I am, and the religion of my parents.
I also see a lot of the Hermit. I loved to read or just be out roller skating by myself. I was either uncomfortable around others or overcompensating by trying to do the things I thought other people did. I may have had a touch of something that impaired social interaction; I really didn’t understand what people were doing, and so I didn’t know how to make friends. I could fake it, but eventually kids figured out I wasn’t really there there. If that makes sense.
But that disconnection helped me, in a way. I was able to be calm because I didn’t care (I didn’t know what I was supposed to care about), and I still identify with Temperance today. A lot of times I still feel like I’m faking it; I never quite learned how to be intimate with others, in the sense of being myself. Alternatively, I feel comfortable around someone and just talk about whatever pops into my head.
I got married at 18: the Fool.
Also the Chariot, rushing out thinking I know my strength.
My wedding night: the Tower. (Yep, that bad.)
After that, it’s a jumble: the Moon, for being the crawfish always trying to crawl out of the water and the wolves howling a warning while the moon looks disturbed about something. This is definitely a good card for my marriage. But, bad as my marriage was, I don’t see the Moon as a bad card. It was a difficult time, but that’s just how long it took for me to pull my determination together and get out.
Losing my faith in the Christian God: Death.
My ex-husband not able to deal with that: the Emperor
Me, not giving a fuck: the High Priestess.
The Star, pouring myself out, trying to give the whole thing one last chance.
And Strength, of course, for finally leaving. And now that I think about it, the Tower belongs here, too.
All that is the easy part, stuff I’ve already processed. I’ll try working on the more recent stuff another day.