I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned– over the last few years I’ve lost my voice, lost access to my voice. I used to journal and write stories, but ever since the end of my marriage I’ve been unable to write. There were a few years where I didn’t even write down a list of things I needed to do, or a shopping list!– I made a list one day and realized I hadn’t done it for years.

Also, I find it difficult to sing, but that’s another issue. Maybe?  My voice… huh…

What I’m getting at is, last night I finally spent some time with my new Shadowscapes Tarot. I bought it maybe a month ago, but the art is so fine and small on the cards that I had trouble concentrating on it. I had never even shuffled the cards. But last night I just went for it.  I curled up with a notepad and pencil and I ended up spending a lot of time writing and going through spreads.

Oh and, I have had trouble with spreads in the past because a) I don’t have space for it, b) it’s just too much; I’m overwhelmed. But I decided to just go one card at a time, and it worked great.

A funny thing happened, too, where I finished the deck interview and then turned to the next page, and there was a question I don’t remember writing:

What is the conception of myself that I find publicly necessary to live up to?

What an interesting question! There was no answer on the page, and I don’t remember where I got the question from.

So I drew the next three cards and wrote about it.

(I had decided to just shuffle the fuck outta the deck and then go one by one without fussing with them more; that way I’ll be going through the deck instead of constantly shuffling and getting cards more than once.)

Anyways, I discovered I like writing writing my journaling. I will probably put together blog posts in the future, but I like journaling quietly, private, just for me.

I’m not used to having things just for me.


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